Feel better, do nothing?

I'll be honest, there is a little, toddler voiced perfectionist in me that yearns to be productive right now. To somehow use my time effectively during quarantine and accomplish something BIG. I learned a new language! I re-painted my apartment and saved thousands. Every cabinet, closet and drawer has been Marie Kondo'd. Good job!

To ward off complacency, I've tried to schedule my entire day to only end up overwhelmed and behind. I've listed 10 to do's and checked one off, on a good day. Noise buzzing all around me - the news, online lectures to keep track of, art classes for my child, dance parties to keep up the morale, and workouts to create a perfect body before this is all over. I'm juggling Zoom calls with my friends and family, trying to work, checking in with folks. Not to mention trying to wrap my head around this strange world we find ourselves in where people are dying in hospitals blocks away from where I live.

I read this piece in the NYTimes yesterday that helped me put some words about the way I was feeling. It's called "Stop Trying to Be Productive."

This urge to overachieve, even in times of global crisis, is reflective of America’s always-on work culture. In a recent article for The New Republic, the journalist Nick Martin writes that“ this mind-set is the natural endpoint of America’s hustle culture — the idea that every nanosecond of our lives must be commodified and pointed toward profit and self-improvement.”

Some spoke about trying to keep to a schedule and failing, others about using every moment effectively (a walk and podcast) or being part of some family workout challenge and feeling like a failure each day she didn't participate. In the midst of a global crisis, each of us are dealing with hardships and anxiety. Whether it's worry over money, getting ill, having sick friends or family, losing a job, balancing work and kids....we are globally dealing with a crisis.

Permission to do nothing. To simply feel achieved because we survived another day without going crazy is enough. Old habits die hard and I just cleaned my windows because it gives me a sense of accomplishment, and that's my way of coping. I still wonder if something should come of this time, something productive. I still may try and paint my apartment if we're here long enough. But when I feel that panic set in, i try to breathe through it and look it in the eye. Just be here now. Chill.

P.S. a couple more articles that made me feel that slowing down was ok....

Someday, We’ll Look Back on All of This and Write a Novel

I Refuse to Run a Coronavirus Home School

An All-Quesadilla Diet Is OK for Now